fantasy skeev

I’m taking a vacation from it all. I wrote this thing. No one noticed except Susan. Thanks Susan, I appreciate it. I told the girl today the hard thing and she was kind of ok with it and then in the end she wrote love you and my heart breaks. The blonde better be right. Kept me on the phone for 3 fucking hours. Dumping her shit onto me I mean Jesus fucking Christ, I have had enough of this kind of torture. People are batshit crazy. Myself included. I mean, I call the guy every time, I make food, etc. then I go to the place and hope to catch a glimpse of my fantasy skeev I have been overly reliant on that whole thing and making it happen and to tell you the truth, I’m tired of it. Let someone call me. Let them make it happen. And when the skeev walks by me, it doesn’t mean I am fulfilled. It means a dirtbag has walked past me and not given me the time of day. I have been putting myself out there with people for years, and this town or this whatever…I’m totally sick of it. It seems to me that everyone I deal with is supremely self-involved. And the one I want to notice me doesn’t give a flying fuck, I mean he’s a skeev, a skank, a piece of shuffling refuse. what am I doing making a deity of love out of him.? It’s nuts. The stores are nuts. Everyone jammed into Aldi on a Sunday, including me, trying to save a buck. Two people I thought were cool are…well let’s just say it’s not supposed to be political. I have no idea what is happening. The news is a tragic nightmare but for others it’s a wet dream. The machine is consuming us.